Another endless night looking at the ceiling trying to scam a way to
cop some heroine
With the anxiety ripping all the dignity left in his life left. he is screaming secretly as the tears roll down into his eyes
He's crying in pain wondering he got here, as he's living through this hell every day,
Who is this person wearing his clothes,He ask who am I?cause it’s not me.feeling Terrified as hell to look at himself in the mirror to see
who has
Taken his place, I've seen this look before to him shooting heroine has become more like a chore, but who ever is doing these terrible things are to blame. I see this villains face running through my veins this is why I know it can't be me cause we do not even use the same train of
thought,
I know Mike would
never consider this process of taking his life. I now must find the journey to where
I
belong and how this heroine took my passion for life, because now I can’t even consider the
notion
Of going to a job
that I once loved.
Who’s this guy addicted and has the devil abducted me why has he done
this madness
To me. and
If not then when did I get addicted to opiates and why. How can man make
a drug that?
Attacks the body to
this degree. As I lay hear pondering these worthless facts, that I have no
power
over This clock strikes deadly 2 am this is
when I begin the hunt for many variations of heroine.
I start creeping
down the Sea-Way Drive looking to roll a bum or find a victim to rob unfortunately this has
become
Necessary for me to
maintain my existence now in this society I now have become this evil DR.
Jekyll
And MR. Hyde because
I now have to rob everyone in sight just to keep my sanity. The options at 3 am
Are limited and if I
can’t find a victim to rob then I must resort to physically hurting myself to
get meds
From the emergency
room. The motherfucker is when I come up empty, and then I must smash my tooth
With a rock and still
ER doctor won’t prescribe me any narcotic seeking meds I need its like gambling
And becoming a loser.
Being a drug addict will eventually make you a loser. When you come across
That road you must
make the right decisions because once you come home empty you learn real quick
To not let that
happen again, because you are only hurting yourself and unfortunate self
destruction ha
s become my way of life.
I found a Lexus with a computer stereo and I
took it question to self where did I learn to jack
A stereo I guess when
you are trying to survive you can do things you never thought you were capable
Of we have now reached 3;45 am my next search now I must
find a drug dealer up at 4 am so I’m walking
Through the heights
carrying a stolen stereo, until from nowhere I was no longer alone in the alley
. Then from leader making a point sucker punched me out of
nowhere came five members of the
88th street gang and they beat the
hell out of me and left me with an inch of my life. Their point hurt
I now must find another victim to jack because
I’m getting sick very quickly as time is passing fast I
Must hurry, and jack
a stereo right away because I don’t have time for the stereo in the car luckily
I found a twenty bill
in the globe box enough for quick days fix. Its 6 am when and my dealer
Is pissed off about
the time but you know at this point he could beat me down and I wouldn't
Never even feel it.
It’s about time my meds are finally kicking in and I’m dodging in and out of all
of
My neighbors yards
and over their fences so I can sneak back into my yard because that is where my
Basement window and
fell into my bed barely escaping a single night of terror knowing that tonight
It must start all
over again.
Mid-day as I noticed taking a
piss the neighbor just got some brand new mag’s installed
On his Mustang today,
well it looks like I have my hands full tonight. If I play my cards right I can
Have a good party
tonight or take the week off work right but I’m not that smart. I ask myself
why have
I stooped to this
level and when will the real Rick come rescue me because. Now in the middle of
my
Daily sleep when I
can get to sleep, I jumped up with an massive anxiety attack once this happens
I
Know the sleep or any
thought of feeling decent is over. The sad truth is that we really think that
we
Are hiding our
illness from our family we’re only kidding ourselves with our false belief that
we are
Getting help we keep
running through the same routine night after night wondering why we are living
This life. I have
always been a leader a helper but can I help someone when I cannot even help
myself,
In my nightly travels
I run across many more people n my situation some worse because it is a real
Bad illness but what
about the homes families who are dragging their children through the lifestyle
That you have put
yourself into and someday I want to be able to help these people once I have
helped
Myself. As there is only two way to go rise to the top or
become buried six feet under and forgotten and
That is how strong
this illness is a person cannot even survive the mental state of it alone so
the choice
Has to become a life
for a life. Once you become an opiate you have no control over how your day to
Day is spent, or not spent as it happens you can’t even take
more than one shower a week, it’s a
Struggle to get out
of bed. Hearing voices while I’m lying in bed which just intensifies the
anxiety
As you will find that
over 70% of addicts are co-occurring self medicating and opiate withdraws
Kills more people
than any other curing addictions that is how dangerous opiates are.
There are so many
things traveling through my mind over and over again which I always end up
In the hospital begging for help through this
terrible time fighting the illness and ending up at
The beginning and
starting the pain over again.
I’m embarrassed and don’t want
anyone to see me so
Like the green hornet
I strike at night, looking for victims to rob to finance my illness, and start
by
Sneaking out of my
basement window. I have no sidekick I’m just a lonely thief in Michigan, trying
to
Support my habit I’m
pathetic I have to steal tools just to rob some tires, I’m having the hardest
time
Stressing out and screaming
profanity from the pain I was one torch away, and then the sirens were
Blearing and Blue light
from all around me sirens I’m trying to run with one tire, and had to leave it
Behind cause their
gaining on me, leaped the fence. Sum bitch these cops are fast and now I can’t
Go home tonight the
cops are swarming my neighborhood and for a guy who has never been in any
Trouble before cops
is all over me I’m living in a different world now. The cops are running on all
The streets, so I cannot do any kind of
scamming tonight! Now! I have to wait til daylight to go home
And lay in bed and climbing the ceiling. I've
heard about this job loading trucks on the docks and it pays
Cash on a first come first serve there is
about 2000 people come for the ten spots you got to know a
Boss on the docks to get one of these positions,
and besides that at this time I will not be able to make
It through the day’s end work shift.
I draft among the
rest of the working force walking down the heights waiting for
The 8 am bus line and I’m running an old
homeless trick by touring the open houses in the senior
Community and this is sometimes a jackpot when
going to estate sales running through their
Medicine cabinets because many old people have a treasure chest of pain
medication in their
Bathrooms, finally something went right a
bottle of Norco’s, as I slipped them into my pocket
The senior male homeowner catches me as he
tries to take the bottle out of my hand and sorry
That is something that you just don’t do never
grab any medicine from an addict because they are
In control of their actions as we scuffled and
the last thing I remember I was facing the homeowner
And the next breath he was dead laying below
me did I do this but how I've never hurt anyone in
My life before was has happened I must run
because no one will ever understand a drug addict
Taking a life of an innocent man in a struggle,
I must run and get high so I can figure out my next
Move and I tell myself maybe I’ll O.D. and t
will all be over and GOD will have better plans for me
In my next life or when I come down from
getting high this was all a mistake a bad dream like
I’m not an addict and the nice man its not
dead WRONG! Even if I do not get help
for myself at
Least doesn't make this guy dye in vein. Every
time I close my eyes I see his face what if he is not
The first could there be others did I kill my
family this morning or not going home maybe saved
Their lives.
Turn myself in
it could be the only way to save my life. Have I become a
Natural born killer the single version, I’m
hallucinating I looked down my wrist are bleeding I
Have a knife in my hand how did it get there,
I just slit my wrist white coats are all around me
I’m getting cold people are sailing around me
and I keep losing consciousness. The life I took is
Only mine said the angel who hovered over me
as she sad son there’s no pain in heaven follow me and
Then I remember it getting cold and entering
the state of everlasting dreams! The search is over!!
