I NOW REALIZE

  I NOW REALIZE

trying to be humble and kind

before I lose my mind

try to keep sober and clean

before it all comes to an end

she'll never come back to me again

but she'll always be a friend

the way you were to me

like a blind man I couldn't see

with so may fucked uped days

so many years to find my way

I can now remember,like it was yesterday

I now realize before I hated you

I was so in love with you

try to stay humble before you find

the hearts you broke and the things you realize

walked away and left you behind

I don't blame you cause your with him

the memories are alls thats left

where were you when she needed

when she crying I was getting high

I walked away we she needed me the most

I was lost in time gone like a ghost

and I broke her heart of the one you loved the most

back in time if only I could only start again

and say the thngs I should'\ve said

and find a way for her to trust again

and maybe she wouldn't be with him

everyday I'd treat hear better

and time to time tell her in a letter

but thats a memory of something that will never be

but shes been gone for so long in time

if I was only humble and kind

but decades have moved on

you went your way I went mine

I wonder if you think of me from time to time

but now I got mine and you got yours

maybe another place in time

      I would've been humble and kind

REST IN PEACE

 R.I.P

A birth and a death

and the loneliness is all that's left

with the pain and the tears

still lingers after 25 years

to some he's faded to just a name

for me I remember him all the same

the time that's gone hasn't eased the pain

a sadness I still see in his fathers eyes

like the one I seen at his final goodbye

through the years so many days have past

and that day in December will forever last

god called upon one of his favorite sons

gone before his precious life ever begun

as I brushed my hand across the coffin

that was no bigger than a box made of wood

from the hands where Jesus stood

like a fog I couldn't see I felt a final breeze

Julian I'll soon see but for now rest in peace

I'M AN AGING DISASTER

 I'M  AN  AGING DISASTER

           five years since it all went bad

                     i'd tell you the truth

                    but its much to sad

                   two deaths and a cancer

                   is the short side of an answer

                   where as i'm already aging like a dad

                   depressions constant reminder

                  of what I don't have

                  I count the grey highlights of frost in my head

                 wondering if it was all worth the cost when i'm dead

                ten years ago i was considered to be young

                 now the difficulty of living my life has begun

                 the rage of reality one must occur

                 fighting to get back to the days of who we were

                 whoever said we age gracefully must be young

                 because I don't wish getting old on anyone

                 as I come to the end

                 I don't have any enemies but just friends

                whether it's the end or we go on forever

               treat everyone and everyday like it's your last one together

                   

THE STUTTERING STERN "adult poem"

     

     THE STUTTERING STERN 

      roses are red violets are blue 

 Gary sucks cock, and Howard does  too

Artie has gone and Fred has stayed

Robins laughs at Howard everyday

 Richard and Sal pull pranks every night

 Ralph is Howard's little bitch

 he's a cry baby and thats the way it is

so Howard runs his hands through Ralph  hair

,  Ralph licks Howard's everywhere

 howard does he does the best he can

 Howard's stutters like a retarded M''''AN

and Artie nods out from being high

Gary looks like a monkey in heat

and robin so fat she broke her seat

 there isn't a cock Howard hasn't blew

and KC has an IQ of a queer in a closet

  KC fucks hot chicks and he doesn't even love it

   and still carries Howard's pubic hair

if there's nothing else we have learned

 the newest wack packer is Howard  the stuttering Stern 

and just  like an addict on crack, at the dusk of dawn

when howards on the air, Ralph talks like a queer

 and Howard mocks a retard or two,

  Howard it brings out the retard in you

ZOMBIE IN ME

 ZOMBIE IN ME
                           i'm a zombie

                         do you know

                         have you seen

                        places  where I go

                        everything in between

                     half zombie half me

                          would you hold

                         if you knew

                        or would you blow me into

                        I can't explain the life i've lead

                       i'm  walking inside i'm dead

                        but I can feel i'm alive

                       sleep all day

                         and feed at night

                        i'm not a zombie

                  who drinks your blood

                  just a zombie looking for love

                   am I dead and not aware

                     can people see me

                    do they even know i'm there

                      if they could would they care

                       will i find a zombie

                     who feels the same as me

                         or will i leave this world

                       the same way I came in

                      start tomorrow over again
                       

IF YOU KNEW ME

             there was something about her I thought we were in  love

               we were just to young to understand

              she was a girl  but she felt like a man

              when she wore men's underwear

               it was like putting your hands in the sand

                a feeling so comfortable

               she knew it was to early for the truth to be  told

              there's many reasons if she was gay

             at her age she thought these feelings were wrong

             she found  someone else

             but they can never be alone

           could it be it's a phase

              a tomboy period of cross dressing

             was she the one

             is what there doing disgusting

            or was it the feeling of loving

            through my head over and over again

             I can't  dump her and walk away

          believe me I din't understand

            is there somthing wrong with her

           or could the problem persist in us

           can only a man and a woman be in love

           like an addict with tracks

         addiction to a feeling of love

             and she can never go back

           she can't live a lifestyle they want her to

          it's only been accepted as of later

          her family was excepting they forgave her

         for what? shes done nothing wrong

          I wonder if that night I wouldn't have treated you so bad

          would there be other choices you had

         giving time it could be a phase your going through

           or maybe I need to accept it's just you

          I wish everyone had the courage that you do

         

           you weren't the one I was with

             it's your fault the stories you believed

           did you really think you could change me

          you should have walked away and left before the end

          times we had  weren't all bad some were fun
\
            this is now and that was then

            and we chat  from time to time

         things are different i'd say today

         I heard from friends that your gay

      i couldn't even recognize you

       then again i'm half blind

        i think I need to get with the changing times

        what we had is gone today

       the fun we had has gone away

        i'm glad i wasn't your first

        just in case i was your worst

         then again from what i've heard

        it would have to have been from birth

      the mist of it i still remember

      warming up in the  backseat late December

      what turned you gay was it me

       or were  you  just a child

        not knowing what to believe

        so you spent your life in denial

      if you think this poem is about you

        it probably is are you a guy or a girl

           just wondering which lifestyle you live

      its not about one confused in the closet

            its about everyone whose being bothered

     and laughed at on Howard Stern

     if you were friends to him

     give it time to heal  you will be again

     if he can be friends with Richard Simmons

       then he's forging the lifestyle your living

    For those of you who can't find the door to the closet

 break it down be proud make a stand and holler

or stay in the closet be scared and don't bother

OFFENSIVE TO SOME OFFEND NO ONE

 OFFENSIVE TO SOME,OFFENDING NO ONE
                   offensive in every word  you say

                   it offends me in every way  
 
                 i seen you on the t.v. the other day

                   couldn't seem to understand a word you say

                   i don't believe it  was the way you spoke

                 it was the words you said   did you feel misled

                  did you know words like that where it will go

               the world is changing what you say can't be undone

                 every word you say is offending someone

                 so rearrange your tone and always be calm

                     everyone has a little racism inside

                      we discriminate those who we do not understand

                     your culture makes you seem different than i am

                     we live in  a civil society  that doesn't mean to hurt

                  sometimes we say things that offend

                  without knowing the meaning of the words

                  and the tensions build so many times i've seen

                   out of anger we lash out and say things we don't mean

                    we must understand we are not one culture

                   black and white is like day and night

                      we go together we need one another

                   we can not change the past

            but we can change the future together