Monday, June 9, 2014


                 Another endless night looking at the ceiling trying to scam a way to cop some heroine
 With the anxiety ripping all the dignity left in his life left.  he is screaming secretly as the tears roll down into his eyes
 He's crying in pain wondering he got here, as he's living through this hell every day, 
 Who is this person wearing his clothes,He ask who am I?cause it’s not me.feeling Terrified as hell to look at himself  in the mirror to see who has
 Taken his place, I've seen this look before to him shooting heroine has become more like a chore, but who ever is doing these terrible things are to blame. I see this villains face running through my veins  this is why I know it can't be me cause we do not even use the same train of thought,
  I know Mike would never consider this process of taking his life. I now must find the journey to where I
 belong and how this heroine took my passion for life, because now I can’t even consider the notion
 Of going to a job that I once loved.
                            Who’s this guy addicted and has the devil abducted me why has he done this madness
  To me. and  If not then when did I get addicted to opiates and why. How can man make a drug that?
 Attacks the body to this degree. As I lay hear pondering these worthless facts, that I have no power
  over This clock strikes deadly 2 am this is when I begin the hunt for many variations of  heroine.
  I start creeping down the Sea-Way Drive looking to roll a bum or find a victim to rob unfortunately this has become
 Necessary for me to maintain my existence now in this society I now have become this evil DR. Jekyll
 And MR. Hyde because I now have to rob everyone in sight just to keep my sanity. The options at 3 am
 Are limited and if I can’t find a victim to rob then I must resort to physically hurting myself to get meds
 From the emergency room. The motherfucker is when I come up empty, and then I must smash my tooth
 With a rock and still ER doctor won’t prescribe me any narcotic seeking meds I need its like gambling
 And becoming a loser. Being a drug addict will eventually make you a loser. When you come across
 That road you must make the right decisions because once you come home empty you learn real quick
 To not let that happen again, because you are only hurting yourself and unfortunate self destruction ha
s become my way of life.
                     I found a Lexus with a computer stereo and I took it question to self where did I learn to jack
 A stereo I guess when you are trying to survive you can do things you never thought you were capable
Of we have now reached 3;45 am my next search now I must find a drug dealer up at 4 am so I’m walking

  Through the heights carrying a stolen stereo, until from nowhere I was no longer alone in the alley
. Then from leader making a point sucker punched me out of nowhere came five members of the
  88th street gang and they beat the hell out of me and left me with an inch of my life. Their point hurt
  I now must find another victim to jack because I’m getting sick very quickly as time is passing fast I
 Must hurry, and jack a stereo right away because I don’t have time for the stereo in the car luckily
 I found a twenty bill in the globe box enough for quick days fix. Its 6 am when and my dealer
 Is pissed off about the time but you know at this point he could beat me down and I wouldn't
 Never even feel it. It’s about time my meds are finally kicking in and I’m dodging in and out of all of
 My neighbors yards and over their fences so I can sneak back into my yard because that is where my
 Basement window and fell into my bed barely escaping a single night of terror knowing that tonight
 It must start all over again.
                              Mid-day as I noticed taking a piss the neighbor just got some brand new mag’s installed
 On his Mustang today, well it looks like I have my hands full tonight. If I play my cards right I can
 Have a good party tonight or take the week off work right but I’m not that smart. I ask myself why have
 I stooped to this level and when will the real Rick come rescue me because. Now in the middle of my
 Daily sleep when I can get to sleep, I jumped up with an massive anxiety attack once this happens I
 Know the sleep or any thought of feeling decent is over. The sad truth is that we really think that we
 Are hiding our illness from our family we’re only kidding ourselves with our false belief that we are
 Getting help we keep running through the same routine night after night wondering why we are living
 This life. I have always been a leader a helper but can I help someone when I cannot even help myself,
 In my nightly travels I run across many more people n my situation some worse because it is a real
  Bad illness but what about the homes families who are dragging their children through the lifestyle
 That you have put yourself into and someday I want to be able to help these people once I have helped
Myself. As there is only two way to go rise to the top or become buried six feet under and forgotten and
 That is how strong this illness is a person cannot even survive the mental state of it alone so the choice
 Has to become a life for a life. Once you become an opiate you have no control over how your day to
Day is spent, or not spent as it happens you can’t even take more than one shower a week, it’s a
 Struggle to get out of bed. Hearing voices while I’m lying in bed which just intensifies the anxiety
 As you will find that over 70% of addicts are co-occurring self medicating and opiate withdraws
 Kills more people than any other curing addictions that is how dangerous opiates are.
 There are so many things traveling through my mind over and over again which I always end up
  In the hospital begging for help through this terrible time fighting the illness and ending up at
  The beginning and starting the pain over again.
                                                                            I’m embarrassed and don’t want anyone to see me so
 Like the green hornet I strike at night, looking for victims to rob to finance my illness, and start by
 Sneaking out of my basement window. I have no sidekick I’m just a lonely thief in Michigan, trying to
 Support my habit I’m pathetic I have to steal tools just to rob some tires, I’m having the hardest time
 Stressing out and screaming profanity from the pain I was one torch away, and then the sirens were
 Blearing and Blue light from all around me sirens I’m trying to run with one tire, and had to leave it
 Behind cause their gaining on me, leaped the fence. Sum bitch these cops are fast and now I can’t
 Go home tonight the cops are swarming my neighborhood and for a guy who has never been in any
 Trouble before cops is all over me I’m living in a different world now. The cops are running on all
 The streets, so I cannot do any kind of scamming tonight! Now! I have to wait til daylight to go home
 And lay in bed and climbing the ceiling. I've heard about this job loading trucks on the docks and it pays
 Cash on a first come first serve there is about 2000 people come for the ten spots you got to know a  
 Boss on the docks to get one of these positions, and besides that at this time I will not be able to make
 It through the day’s end work shift.
                                           I draft among the rest of the working force walking down the heights waiting for
 The 8 am bus line and I’m running an old homeless trick by touring the open houses in the senior
 Community and this is sometimes a jackpot when going to estate sales running through their
  Medicine cabinets because many old people have a treasure chest of pain medication in their
 Bathrooms, finally something went right a bottle of Norco’s, as I slipped them into my pocket
 The senior male homeowner catches me as he tries to take the bottle out of my hand and sorry
 That is something that you just don’t do never grab any medicine from an addict because they are
 In control of their actions as we scuffled and the last thing I remember I was facing the homeowner
 And the next breath he was dead laying below me did I do this but how I've never hurt anyone in
 My life before was has happened I must run because no one will ever understand a drug addict
 Taking a life of an innocent man in a struggle, I must run and get high so I can figure out my next
 Move and I tell myself maybe I’ll O.D. and t will all be over and GOD will have better plans for me
 In my next life or when I come down from getting high this was all a mistake a bad dream like
 I’m not an addict and the nice man its not dead WRONG!  Even if I do not get help for myself at
 Least doesn't make this guy dye in vein. Every time I close my eyes I see his face what if he is not
 The first could there be others did I kill my family this morning or not going home maybe saved
 Their lives.

                               Turn myself in it could be the only way to save my life. Have I become a
 Natural born killer the single version, I’m hallucinating I looked down my wrist are bleeding I
 Have a knife in my hand how did it get there, I just slit my wrist white coats are all around me
 I’m getting cold people are sailing around me and I keep losing consciousness. The life I took is
 Only mine said the angel who hovered over me as she sad son there’s no pain in heaven follow me and
 Then I remember it getting cold and entering the state of everlasting dreams! The search is over!!



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