Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A SEARCH IN TIME

                          A SEARCH IN TIME

We cruise through time never knowing where we stand

 I search for your soul every day, if I found it what would I say

 If I poured my heart out to you today, would you turn and walk away

To search for destiny through all mankind, would you accept what you find

There are many answers for what you might find, the truth you’ll be ready in time

The path to the truth is a heavy load, are you ready for the righteous road

This is a road only a few of us know, this is where god blessed the broken road

You’re the answer that I've been trying to find, it’ll all make sense in time

The search is over, there’s nothing left to find, I gave up everything for you to be mine


Monday, September 29, 2014

WOMEN I KNEW AND WHAT I PUT THEM THROUGH

WOMEN I KNEW AND WHAT I PUT THEM THROUGH

Remembering the good times with julienne Making out in the sand

Her parents never did like me they just wouldn't try to understand

I’m a fun loving good timing man, parents don’t like this kind of man

Then there was that short time with Angie, she was sweet like candy

Until she had ripped out my heart from inside my chest, she was the best

She did taught me about life and I became the man I needed to be

Then I was 17 and came along Christine she was so kind and good to me

 I loved the way she treated me she brought out the good in me that most will not see

Wow! I hit 25 Janice I can’t lie she the only one I cried when I said goodbye

 She is my old flame and our age difference made me feel ashamed

And I’ll love her till the day I die, keeping our friendship is why

All hell broke out when I hit 32 that’s when I met my best friend patilou!

Boy there was a friend full of energy there’s nothing she wouldn't do

Then came along Gina for more than one night, she made the sun shine so bright

I thought she was my soul mate for the rest of my life, it was all over in just one night

But I’m a guy and I found a way to mess up this love, so I walked away and gave up

 How can I be so dumb to ruined my only true love, loving someone is not enough

Many more women came after that, with then I wore many different hats

The knots have drifted the knots are gone

 Being with someone you don’t love is loneliness far worse than being alone

These are the ones who made an impact, if I changed my life maybe I’ll take myself back




FOREVER TOGETHER

TOGETHER FOREVER

Too much has be taken so much was said

 I should be feeling, happy inside but i'm sad instead

life's a disaster with everything I've been through I’m nothing without you

alls I know is my feelings are true, I can't picture my life without you

When I forge upon my future without you it’s too much

The thought of being without you, is worse than my deepest cut

Through an ocean of confusion is only as strong as the bond between us

In the end we begin our lives together, and then our hearts beat as one the bleeding is forever

Forever together is a dream i'm in, I close my eyes and let the dreams begin

life is hard on the road we're on, looking toward our future something beyond

and out of the blue it's through,a call from her was nothing new,but it's me not you





Sunday, September 28, 2014

POEMS DON'T FLOW AND RHYME ALL THE TIME

 POEMS DON’T FLOW AND RHYME ALL THE TIME

Writing poetry some days is a bumpy road

 You write about something you thought you know

And you end up writing a poem that blows

But you stick with it like the wind

Telling yourself you’ll never write about this again

Then you find that some poetry you write is smooth

  It all depends on the words you use

Some poets rhyme on each sentence at the end

Others start their rhyming right from the beginning

It’s hard to know where you’re going to start rhyming

It doesn’t come to you until the right timing

So many times I had erased the poem after it was written

And other times I erased it right from the beginning

A poem is only as good as it’s poet

And sometimes it might take several days

 Before your poem starts flowing the right way

A good Flowing poem or not was quickly written

And if you don’t like it will be easily forgotten




GOD SAYS HI TO YOU AND I

                   GOD SAYS HI TO YOU AND ME

God loves you, I love you to, upon our love there’s nothing you can’t do

God is your days, I am your night, when we are together the feeling is right

God keeps you up so you never fall, god hears satin's voice whenever he calls

 In the middle of the night a million miles away, I know it’s wrong but I have to say

 That God reminds you and will guide your way, he forgives all, and all you have to do is pray

Pray for all that’s good, pray up through the night, all that’s wrong, will become all that’s right

These are things for you to think about, the meaning behind god’s word spread your wings and shout

  Shout out to all that will listen, hold all the ones that are close to you and kiss them

A kiss goodnight is only appropriate when the feeling is right, otherwise you shake their hand tight

God and me spends our lives watching over you, I’ll watch you till ends of earth till our time is 

through


Saturday, September 27, 2014

HEARTLESS HALLMARK

A HEARTLESS HALLMARK

I was grieving so you bought me a hallmark card

After grieving Opening it wasn't just painful it was hard

Finally I opened it and what it said I just couldn't believe

It said my time with you is through fool I’m leaving you

How can hallmark make a card that cruel, one that makes me sad?

This could have been the least most awful hallmark card I've ever read

What happened to the days of compliance and a word of compassion?

Has the kadashians rubbed off on the world of hallmark greeting card fashion?

Has these tasteless times turned our world into a heartless place with no passion?

It leaves nothing left for the heart to desire, nothing left for greeting card empire

So this is a str8 up message to you hallmark, can't you write something with compassion or even a little 

heart

© a heartless hallmark @daydreemerpoetry

A DOMESTIC WOLF

  THE DOMESTIC WOLF
 I’m a wolf that runs around the world

 Which wolf would you want me to be a boy or a girl wolf

What kind of wolf should I be vicious or one that loves others

 Would I be a playful one who stayed safe with its mother?

 I just want you humans to believe that I wouldn't hurt a soul

 My obsession for the domestic life you should know has taking its toll

 If giving a chance humans would come up to me and pet me all the time

 They would fluff and scratch my back and rub upon my ears

 We would bond to a point where they forget about their fears

And when we parted we would both end in tears

I just wish someday they would take me home

 Because I’m out in the wilderness all alone, amongst other wolves I've been disowned

 I broke the grey wolfs golden rule, humans are the enemies us against you

But I feel like I’m one of them, I can’t wait till the humans touch me again

I can be your pet and act like a dog, I can even train my tail to wag

 All I ask is for a human to adopt me and just give me a chance

 I just want a part of the domestic life or even a glance
         
         

          

Friday, September 26, 2014

FADING AWAY

                               FADING AWAY
         Every day I feel you’re memory is fading away

       When I close my eyes is the only time I can see your face today

       Why is the pain I feel from losing you starting to fade away?

       Why doesn't it hurt as much as it did the very first day?

       I can no longer see your face when I look up in outer space

       Does this mean I miss you less and less everyday? Someday will you fade away

       I regret the day when that happens it will become my single worse day of my life

       I do still get to talk to you through the moon and the stars on every midnight

        You face might fade away but all the memories I have of you they can’t take away

        I’ll see your face again someday, till then we will  talk through the stars and space
      
         
       
      
          
         

           

NATURES ROAD TRIP


                                       NATURES ROAD TRIP

       I remember as a child the family road trips that always were sprung upon me

       Watching the beautiful sceneries around and the unique colorful birds in the trees

      A content look amongst the deer knowing how we command all of nature to be free

      If only for a moment I was part of them I was free which made nature a part of me

     The birds were flying to where they wanted to be and I to believed I could fly from tree to tree

     When you’re in nature you’re free to be judged in nature it’s something you just don’t see

    If you’re part of nature and you just don’t agree come for yourself take a look and see

     Just being part of the nature deep down is about free as you’re going to be

     ©natures road trip- rick McDonnell

CRAIGSLIST FIRST KISS

CRAIGSLIST FIRST KISS
    He met her through an ad he seen on craigslist

    A listing for an apartment for rent a place he couldn't miss

    A magical moment their eyes first met the spot they had their first kiss

     So every year their our anniversary he send her an AD filled with their memories

      A craigslist listing that comes straight from his heart goes something like this

      Wanted to rent a space in my heart a commitment for our souls to never part

       One more year and let the ST. of my Mary always be sweet and never be tart
       After he told me about his past a second chance through craigslist he found romance

       I didn't believe him it can’t be true, how this fairytale romance can happen to you

      Then I cried and said grandpa I’m happy for you, things about grandma I never knew

       next time you answer an AD on craigslist this could be that special someone it could be it
       
       
            

             

Thursday, September 25, 2014

THE LAST ROUND


             THE LAST ROUND

 If she drives you crazy so much that you want to hit her

 Please do you both a favor turn around and forget her
 
  Do you love her then why do you knock her around every night?

  So you tell yourself she ask for it, she’s the reason you fight

 Did you do this out of spite do you think beating her is alright

 Same ole scenario their bedroom is a boxing ring

Wow! A T.K.O. boy tough guy you’re the king

Ok finally she had enough, she fighting back these fights are getting rough

His last punch had become too much, she fought back with every breath

But this time he caused her death, so much for her last breath

He looks down at her with a smile that night, she finally won he got 25 to life


IN MY MOTHERS HEAVENLY NAME

            IN MY MOTHERS HEAVENLY NAME

            For heaven in father for I proclaim

           Everything bad my mother did for I am to blame

          She would never admit it she left the guilt unnamed

          As for everything I've ever done had brought her shame

          I call upon you thy father in heaven as for the guilt I proclaim

         You can now give her the title of angel she deserves, her heavenly name

         All the special ones were giving a heavenly name like little angel which burns an eternal flame


         

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A LOVE THAT NEVER WAS

 A LOVE THAT NEVER WAS

Being normal it’s just not for me

I’m an average guy with mediocrity

Not every branch is sturdy on our family tree

Our relationship is in a place where it didn't have to be

Because you seen a picture of me you shouldn't have to see

So I try to do things that encourages you to become closer to me

To wrong all that has been right only keeps you from me tonight

To test the urbanized plight of society’s scenario is to do this right

Knowing what I know now about you has changed me somehow

I am who I was I've changed all because, you've broken our final trust

 So what it is it never was and in the end this never was  a forever love



A LIFE OF CONFUSION


                                        A LIFE OF CONFUSION

          To become a skeptical illusion is all part of a life of confusion

         The depth of the energy that’s described is stronger than I

         A skill found beneath my inner side is how I’ve become this lonesome guy

         Upon the night a doctor of darkness who gives everything to bring his poetry to light

        Doctor of darkness who sleeps by day takes a life with his fatal writing by night

       His true writing skill is to protect the innocent and spare them the pain of the pen

      If we could all find a way to erase the filth that has caused our guilt

     We would no longer have our vulgar thoughts in our head again would never

    We  as poets hold a super power in our pen, we can change the world and never be depressed

 again

                 

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

SCORNED POETS SOCIET

             SCORNED POETS SOCIETY

        A society where the falling poets can come

       To finish something that was left undone

      The scorned poet’s society is a dimension of writing within reality

      Where we stand on the outside of life looking in

      A place that rationalization comes to an end and our society must begin

      So if you believe you understand a life inside the scorned poets society

      Then my friend you are so far out of the realm of reality

      Because our society is for writers of the dark side of their minds

     To dig deep inside the wall of your mind, to fear the reality of what you’ll find

     And if you survive what you may find then and only then you’re our kind


WHOSE YOU'RE DOG

                   WHOSE YOU’RE DOG TONIGHT

     I am the wind blowing through your life over and over again

     Telling you over every time what you’re heart means to mine,

   Girl I’m just going through a thing, a phase! I just need to UN wind

  Hang in there with me and in time you to will see another part of me

  There are two sides of every man, one mysterious, and the other you understand

  You can always understand his compassion, his warmth that makes him a man

   Then there the other side of him that shows up now and then,

 Sometimes men can be dogs that turn on you just to impress his friends

 So next time you blow through her life, ask yourself is what you’re doing right

 If not then you’re a dog! Get the hell out of her life

       

Sunday, September 21, 2014

BACK WHEN

             BACK WHEN

 I remember back when I was young, energetic and thin

 do you remember back when my gutsy friend things you did you might not do again

  Remember back when you could get burger, fries and a shake for less than$1.10

 I remember back when I kissed my first love, your first do you ever think of

 Do you ever wonder about us and what might have been?

  Remember back would it have been over quick or stuck it to the bitter end

 Come’ on man I’m not blocking your spouse remember when you don’t know them

Maybe these questions need to be left unknown, remember when they left you alone

Close your eyes now remember your first kiss, did your spouse make you feel like this


Just remember back when, just be glad you don’t have to go through that shit again

A BROTHER THAT'S THERE FOR YOU


A BROTHER THAT’S THERE FOR YOU

 a brother thats so deep in my heart that I can feel him breath
he’s far more of a brother that any brother had to be

I know being a brother to me is not always easy

 It sounds exciting but being my brothers not all it’s cracked up to be

So this my award to you in recognition for all you done put it up on the self

 To you my lone Wolfe brother who always put me above yourself

 Some might take advantage and think that’s what a brother is, not me

 I believe a trusting bond of my brother that furthers the comprehension of me

It’s so far beyond anyone’s capability to understand it’s a give and take 50/50

Before I have discussed brotherly love but this is more it’s a bond sent from above

So we work together to become as one, a bond in every stroke no matter what you've done

 Being blood at birth isn’t enough something you must work at it’s a 24/7 earned love

 So this poem is for you, all the brothers done wrong, and everything you've been put through

I only hope your brother is half the man, hope your bond is strong, may he be good to you

 So my bro’s Kevin Scott, Jeff, even your sisters there for you. Oh yeah! Dad I miss you to







Friday, September 19, 2014

THOE OF THEE

I in the grace of GOD can see on thee

there is no greater time for me than the time spent with thee

up for the wealth I feel inside can not be a greater wealth than that with me

you know how to honor in the protection of the few

for that are reasons for thee of what i'm willing to do

the cans of ethics that now I must come to review

and to tell the truth is the only ethical thing to do

writing poetic justice is just part of who I am

but the truth is poetic justice is something you'll never understand

for there I see that nobody can ever be upon thee

as no one has become part of thoe like that which I have broken free

Thursday, September 18, 2014

NOTHING GREATER

Force of the passion,beyond earths thrashing

in fierce was a force I said, become the course I dread

many pondering gone wondering in my mind

I fierce for thee if there was a fierce to find

a course at one time was more than a pattern

if I find thee home to build beyond a universe of Saturn

because I am nothing more than a scorned poet of thee

if my life was for so simple a single word could show it

the compression of two lives equal a force of one

I found non greater than the realization of a course done

now could I see thee for more than it is, or become what it is

poetry is bigger than all man kind

something so great that will singly blow your mind

now I call out for thee please help me for I don't understand what I know

single flowing like the blood coursing through your body in a single flow

A POETS THINKING

                       A POETS THINKING
 To be a poet is to be among a legend, your inking goes on forever

And to write poetry in a group is where you must forge together

I must not write poetry with others because my poetry is my own

 That’s why I forge alone, it’s like picking chicken from a bone

 You pull every piece, each dialog is better than the other

 My poetry is colorful on its own, some blue but most printed alone

I write poetry about our everyday life, sometimes during the day but mostly at night

Touchy subjects I find hard to print them, then I catch myself printing it over and over again

Writing poetry about family and friends, I find myself writing about you again, yes you not them

When I write I try not to let race figure in, then I finding myself starting all over again

Ink and paper is the best black and white because there’s no wrong there’s no right

 I don’t write poetry to be liked, I write poetry to right



LOVE GURU INSPECTOR

                           LOVE GURU INSPECTOR
They call me the all night long home wrecker the ever inspecting love guru director

 And girl if you don’t play it right as far as you’re concerned I’m the all night rejecter

Because 24/7 I’m a love detector and you get the LG sticker from the love inspector

So keep your ladies where you can see them before the love guru is being with them

Now if you find a love connection make sure that you are headed in the right direction

And if you catch some love infection caused by a lack of his love guru rejection

So turn on your radars for the bullshit detection, don’t be fooled by his phony election


 Because there’s only one real home wrecker, it’s the love guru inspector

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

THERE GOES MY LIFE


                         THERE GOES MY LIFE
 There goes my life from stardom on top to the handcuffs snapped on by a cop

Life is like ROCK and ROLL rock all night when you’re young to rolling into bed when you’re old

Watching everyone as they roll on with their lives, thinking that could be you or I ‘NOT
We all have choosing the path that god laid out for them, no idea of the where and when

Then again not everyone can be family man, children and a wife was not in their life long plan

What has happened where has their life gone, next thing they know they wake up alone

Their parents are gone, and your having a midlife crisis the plans you made are not so decisive

Thinking back asking yourself if I could turn back the hands of time, would you trade yours for mine

Until today you thought you were happy person, now your life’s nothing but a diversion

What brought this on, did something what catch your eye, like some younger guy

Like some picture show that’s gone in hour and forty five, life crumbles as you prepare to die

Or will your golden age just be the start these days, now and eternity are not that far away

There goes my life, now you have kids and a wife, the family life means no more late nights

A must ballet and soccer for the boys, family life there is no greater joy, so let’s be coy

Your fat but your wife still looks young, your life’s over and hers has just begun

Every hour now you have to take a leak while your wife has just now starting to hit her peak

So if your single or a family man, how your life turned out I’m sure not the way you planned

There goes my life you have five children and you’re on your third wife, yes there goes your life

 @daydreemerpoetry.blogspot.com




Tuesday, September 16, 2014

93 DAYS IN HELL

              It took so many Lives it can take yours to

Prescription painkillers are no good for you

            All night long that anxious feeling

             Wishing the night through then

          MY Body starts to sweat and my joints are shaking

          Losing my mind knowing no time soon will this be breaking?

Panic attacks and suicidal thoughts wishing it was over

93 days till I feel right again with only 10 days in

 it all started because I was hurting, now I’m in worse shape and that’s for certain

 and I’ve been up for 9 straight days now where I caught insomnia and that’s endowed

The depressions so bad I want to take my life, let me sleep just slit my wrist to find piece

I’ve giving everything I’ve got just to make it another night, watching the clock has blurred my sight

I don’t get it I follow my prescription But they forget to warn me with a description

93 days from hell is upon me when it’s over I can finally see


When it’s over will I be me

Monday, September 15, 2014

TRAIN YOUR MAN

  Train your man
 
 I truly am everything you thought

         I really can be retrained and taught

         I’m not a dog but at times I act like one

         I am not always proud of crap I’ve done

        Yes at times I’m stuck in a pile of crap

        You trained me so well now I need a nap

        So now you put your collar upon my neck

        At night you sneak me around the back

        I pee on a tree and a log cause girl I am your dog

        You’re my master you taught me all kinds of tricks

        No I’m not a dog I’m just plain ole  Rick
         



Thursday, September 11, 2014

CAN YOU FEEL ME SOMEHOW

I'd give my life up forever for just one night together

I know you don't know me,but you might understand forever

can you feel us touch one another, in thee end are we together

will our souls touch each other will we be together forever

would we need one another we are connected  together

can you feel me somehow, I miss you so much

I dream of you're your softness, the feel of you're touch

the salt in your tears burns right through my cuts


sooner or later you'll feel me, alls I miss is you're touch


but I don't want you to see me right now, I've been through to much

how do I explain this feeling


I feel you to somehow

sooner or later you'll be with me


not today I can't face you right now

 so in my dreams i'll hold you tight


i'm afraid you wont understand me


so in forever i'll be with you tonight

 no you don't know me,cause you wouldn't understand

everyone's needs someone, what will it take to be you're man


I wish I could see you tonight, but for now


 I stay out of sight, who am I


i'm not the guy with you this time

 you can't stop my loneliness 


 you don't understand but whats you'res is mine

 I see the truth in your eyes, but you're lying tonight


I wanna see you again

but you seem to see through my disguised


I  feel the warmth in your eyes, I know what there saying


I seen it before this is just another goodbye


now that you seen through my disguise you know who I am


I  see the truth in your eyes, what is this if it's not goodbye

you say you don't want to see me,then why wont you tell me why


 forever not a  reason, because forever is only in your eyes


just like before to you i'm just another goodbye, 


 I don't wanna miss you but the truth doesn't lie


all the signs point to it's wrong,follow your heart


if your heart says feels it's right, I guess we're together tonight

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

THEN I MET YOU

whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine

you would know this if you spent the time

wondering what life is putting me through, then I met you

and now there's nothing I wouldn't do

you know I'd change the world girl if I could, I really should

you would change the world too, you know you would


things change they were wrong now there right


can't wait to hold you 'close tonight'


can you feel the summer breeze upon my skin


i'll hold you all night'then hold you again'


like I've told you a million times i'd give your life for mine


so now were back where we started, a mess and broken hearted


we talk about him being born in a manger, sometimes i'm a distant stranger

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

a song GONE BABY GONE

Been thinking about you all night long
                                                  
Our bitter sweet love was o so strong
                           
                                                                                                                        
I say a million times this is what I say to you

Gone baby gone is what our love has come to

Long gone, long gone, long gone baby


Gone baby gone is this really what you want to do

Taking it to the test is bitter sweet for you


All our good times are gone

And everything we’ve been through


Gone baby gone when you’re here your here

I’m so lost inside you girl I’m so lost without you

Gone baby gone , when you’re not your not

Long gone, long gone long gone baby


My love was lost without a sound

Keeping my love up for you, when your not your not

Gone baby gone, gone baby gone

I can’t live without you
Gone baby gone, gone baby gone
I love everything about you, heart break is a mistake

It’s a road I do

ONE MORE DAY

JUST ONE MORE DAY

IT’S ALL I NEED

JUST ANOTHER WAY

FOR YOU TO SEE

I FEEL YOUR BLOOD DRIPPING OFF MY WRIST

I TOUCH YOUR FACE FOR ONE LAST KISS

SEE YOU LAYING AND I WONDER

WHATS IT LIKE TO BE SIX FEET UNDER

JUST ONE MORE DAY

IS ALL I NEED

WHAT WOULD I SAY

IF YOU WERE SITTING NEXT TO ME

SOMETIMES I FEEL YOUR TEMPTING BREATH

YOUR LIVING YOUR LIFE EVEN AFTER DEATH

ONE BREATHES TO HARD ONE BREATHES TO SOFT

IN THE END YOUR LIFE IS LOST

JUST ONE MORE DAY

IS ALL I NEED

ANOTHER DAY WITH YOU IS A DREAM TO ME

JUST ONE MORE DAY



DAD VERSES DUDE


A dad serves his family and protects, remembers the good times he reflects

 Then there’s a dude who specializes in neglect, a guy with a lack of respect

So many things a dad must do too many things a dude puts you through

For a dude withers on the bottom of the pile, a deadbeat with no style

A dad brings his kids to their games, only thing a dude brings is shame

Shame for the fall of which they are digging in like a lifelong splinter

Then dad greatness in his kids eye a teacher of lifelong mentor

A dad is not always a family man, he is sometimes single and does the best he can

There are more deadbeats than dads this is a sorry fact that’s sad

One broken promise, a million broken dreams on an island without a single stream

when a dad verses a dude, ones passionate the others rude


LOVE ON THE ROCKS

why is our love on the rocks,why would I lie to you

if I tell you the truth would you really think it was true

you say I haven't done enough, you know I've tried

you say I've cheated, your wrong maybe I wasn't there when you needed

but I've never hurt you, I've never done you wrong

in the end you'll find I loved only you all along


so if your looking for a way out, just tell me what this is about


if this is thee end, please just say it again, this is thee end


I don't believe it no way it's true,not with everything we been through


if you are giving up say it now,tell me who he is ,tell me how


so now you have a choice leave me or we can rejoice


say who he is if we're done, so I can find his ass with a gun


but if it's just only me, then i'll let you go i'll let you be

HELLO MY FRIEND

hello my friend will we ever meet again, or is this thee end

strolling through the times, when we didn't have a dime

now years have gone and without you I feel a lone

do you feel nothing, are you afraid to feel something

you can deny what we had all you want, you can fool yourself with the thought

you can hang up if you had enough, has this call been to tough


but in the end your heart will tell, has sweltered has swelled


things I've done to you,if you done them to me i'd forget you to


so how are you tonight, is things ok are you doing alright


you say you no longer love me,you found another


but are you happy with him,or wont you ever discover


ok sorry didn't mean to make you cry,so i'll leave good bye

Sunday, September 7, 2014

FOREVER

              FOREVER
Forever is for life, not a word you say because it feels right

Making a commitment is forever, a promise to always be together

Through the good and the bad, remembering the times that you had

To break a vow of forever is to break a trust of eternity together

 On the other hand is the reason why, a bond is trust within it lye’s

Remember forever is stronger than lust of something you don’t understand

Every commitment is not forever, so ask yourself if you belong together

If you can imagine your life without this one, turn around and run

Because if you’re not with your soul mate, then this forever is a mistake


So decide now if forever’s for you, before all the heartache you’ll go through

DEPRESSION

        DEPRESSION

Why am I so depressed, where am I in life and what’s left

What could it be dads birthday or is it his recent death

Every time I think about him it shakes my nerves

How can a great man die a painful death he doesn't deserve?

Every day I think about it I start to cry, I’m depressed and I don’t know why

Depression a word no one wants to hear, the panic attacks, anxiety and fears

Am I in the middle of some mid life crisis, am I finding guilt in all of my vices?

I can’t find the reasons for my depression, I’m on the edge of aggression

Life is good I should be happy, I’m in a lonely thought I feel trapped in

 I’m depressed will I ever break free, being depressed it’s not me

To many loses to many deaths, or the guilt of all my regrets

Grinding at me like the grim reaper, digging deeper and deeper

 So I try to think good thought, cause there’s nothing I should be depressed about