Sunday, November 30, 2014



  The sharpest knife str8 cut to my wrist

  It is the final voyage on my bucket list

I’ve live more than some less than most

The time when you know it’s time to go

Is when death sends down someone you know

They take your hand and tell you it’s your time

 And some visits from death aren’t kind

Seems the better person you were on earth

The uglier the death and the more you hurt

Passing from earth to heaven is a journey on its own

The pain of crossing over is like the passing kidney stone

So when you’re on your death bed and the end of stage four

The chemo and pains so bad to where you can’t take anymore

Knowing that there’s no more pain on the other side of the door


I hear a knock at the door, I peek off to the side then, I run and hide

I can’t let you see me, so I go in the corner and cry

What if you can see through me what am I feeling inside

If I don’t do things the same way, things are going to go bad

People think I’m crazy, what if I’m normal, has everyone gone mad

Everything’s going through my head at the same time

 Life has become a test I’m afraid of the knowledge that I posses

Will lead to provisions of someone’s death I have to pull over and duck

 People are following me, with these feelings I’ll never be free

I have to go now, I see you I don’t understand

 Why are you watching me through the web cam?

So now you can see who I am, everytime I answer the phone

 My brain begins to scan, crazy or not this is who I am


A broken promise is a violation of trust to be unanimous,

I thought I seen you for a second, then realized I didn't

Everything I've done to you, never can be forgiving

I’m going through the stages of life, day by day

The life I’m no longer living, why can’t I just walk away

And cut my loses, maybe it’s all those lines that I’ve crossed

Remembering back when you appeared in mist from that stormy dew

The night I met you in a cocktail bar, it took all I can do

You were standing there all alone, that much was true

All the best times in my life, don’t add up to the nights with you

Like the ones when I’m holding you near, on a night with the sky so clear

Then came the night that I tore that all apart

Risk everything without a reason, I broke your heart, a broken ring

The ring was a broken bond, back when we breathed as one

I didn’t love her, she didn’t mean a thing, don’t recall her name
Just a stupid fling, if I could change the hands of time, I’d never do it again

If it takes my whole life, I’ll do what ever it takes, everything I can to fix my mistakes

All the pain that I've put you through, I will not rest till I find my way back to you

Thursday, November 27, 2014


          ME AGAIN!

Who’s life am I living,to sacrifice upon the dead is to be never forgiving

I know this place spaced is a world that isn't mine, over time I watch the hands move slowly

as I am waiting for a singletary  chance to change the hands of time

Ticking of the clock to unwind, stairing at the wall day after day

Time stops moving, I’m in a state of mind, lost in my own provision

Time to time, I search the world from beyond, for the simplest of signs

A curious dot on the wall of some kind, something to spark the hands of time

Then the times you feel like a cowboy, in a world before his time

I’m a lonely rebel in a space that’s not mine, the coarse side of the wall Cuts my skin deeper than all

 makes me quietly cry  as the coarse of the wall turns my skin terminusly  dry,a feeling of oblivious

 without a reason why, a loss of direction , a sense of apathy I haven't experience since a child

inside i'm a hopeless romantic waiting to get out, can I ever be me,and remembering the compassion I

 used to see, searching for the sparkle of life that used to be inside of me

I slowly find myself crawling tenuously out of my skin, I stand alone wondering

When will I ever crawl back into my own skin again?

Wednesday, November 26, 2014


              THIS TIME
You can go through life pretending everything’s alright

Acting a fool I think I’m going crazy and starting fights

 But somehow find your way back to me! Not this time

So you say, and someday you’ll realize I’m here to stay

Then maybe you can see through all this trouble and break away

You say!  What the hell are you thinking! Some night! No not this time

You start to cry! What should I do? Should I cry to! So I just hold you

 I just want is to love you! Then you say those words to me! Not this time

They cut right through till the words hurt from you, then you throw salt on my pain

Some night! No not this time, breaks my heart, never again say a thing

I walk to remember! How we met on that cold September

 This time! Your gone, I know this time, it’s in the sound of your voice

Sleep on it, think awhile before you make this choice you’re hurting me, but it seems!

You know this isn't right, I miss baby I’m all alone, can’t we give it a try

Are we really that far gone! Girl I really think you’re wrong! This time

It will be different I promise! I’ll do what you want I’ll follow what you say

Tell me who you want me to be! All the things that bothers you about me

Come on! This time I’ll make a change I’ll be the man you want I know I can

This time! Your eyes will light up when I walk in a room! Without you I’m doomed

I’ll change the way that you see! So much! You’ll realize you can’t live without me

This time! You’ll see I’m yours and your mine, it’s going to work this time!!

Saturday, November 22, 2014



Every now and then, I close my eyes and I see him again

 I go to the place my best friends life had came to an end

When the night darkens, ripples splashing everywhere

I can hear the Wolfe of death whistle in the night’s air

If I look on the right day I can see his canoe rising to the top of the lake

So I jumped in to save my friend, I saw him swimming out to the deep end

I went to the place where he would go, getting swallowed by a under toe

I swore as I was swirling down, I saw dead people reaching for me all around

So I come up for air above the ground, all around the wolves howl their hound


An angel appeared in front of me from the sky

I ask why me there is far better men than i

The angel answered your goodness is inside

And I promised to her I’d try to be a better guy

Go to church and help the ones in need

Try to bring out that goodness in me

I knew it was coming the devil whispered in my ear

Come on the good time is coming the parties near

I looked up and ask for the angel to get me out of here

I turned around and walked out, fait will subside all my fears

Now I live my life one day at a time

Never taking for granted what has become mine

Thursday, November 20, 2014


             CAUGHT UP
I busted through your door, bitch is where my money

What do you mean you’re not a ATM store

You think this shit funny because you impress your honey

Who you think you is, I had that bitch last night

She’s lazy as hell, she don’t even do a brother right

Let’s get back to the money you owe

Don’t ever disrespect me in front of this hoe

You got 24 hours to come up with my digits

Or I’ll hit you so hard you’ll come out of your bridges

Don’t look at me like I lost my mind

Cause your bodies’ one thing they’ll never find

Call it what you want, say what you will

You aint shit to me, just another MF I killed

I aint cussing cause kids in the room

When I’m done, you’ll be one of the fruit of the looms

Now you got me all jacked, and I missed my tunes

Now clocks ticking down to zero, see you soon,hero!


             PLAY ON! SON  PLAY ON!
Play on to a game you can’t win

Play on you can’t wait to play this game again

Play on is for play on the court

You play so hard, your breathing is distort 

Plow forward, play on do your best

Have you become a man this is your test

So when they believe they can fly

 You get up stand ground knock that shit out of the sky

Never second guess why you play on you know why

You’re the king of your sport you are the guy

So if you played on in anything to mention

 Go through life with only your best intentions

You play on that jerk from work

It’s like laying down getting dunked on

Can’t happen in your world, the punk never gets the girl

So when the bullies come to bring you disgrace

Play on, bring level up it’s a game you must face

If you don’t they’ll play on your everyday

Sometimes you just can’t walk away

True what they say blood in blood out

Get the bully before you get got



     Dreams through time seem to come and go

    The dreams in my mind, some I’ll never know

    Dreams are made up of daily events

   My dreams are some of the best times I've spent

   In my dreams is where I can hang out with my mother& father

   And in the morning it’s over, but it’s in my mind forever

  In my dreams sometimes I can fly, and I can touch the sky

 Then I wake up tired, feeling old then remembering why

Unlike my dreams of a life I let pass by

It’s time to realize I’m just an ordinary guy

There’s nothing wrong with being ordinary

And that makes my dreams become extraordinary

In my dreams is the place where I find fait

The only place I find happiness with a soul mate

Does that mean me and my soul mate will met 

Someday our paths will cross in eternity



Sunday, November 16, 2014


Life didn't come out as planned

Nothing special just an ordinary man

Life is long, sometimes tough but always hard

It’ll beat you down without a sense of any regard

 Every day feels the same but you got to get up

Put your feet to the ground, open every door that shuts

Around every corner there’s a new beginning a fresh start

A place where you find yourself, it comes from the heart

Now life’s different, maybe not better, just different

Even the people around you seem less belligerent

You seem to be happier, even though you’re just getting by

On earth you’re judged by your wealth, in heaven the rich go to hell

You can be wealthy inside your heart

 That is true wealth in life, it’s who you are

Saturday, November 15, 2014


You’re kidding life’s a state of mind

I’m living my life on someone else time

Who would I be in another world?

 Would I be a boy or a girl?

Or wouldn’t it matter in heaven we’re all the same

They say our children have no future who’s to blame

How great was this world before we came

We are so arrogant about everything we know it all

We’re so great we never land when we fall

The world wouldn’t be wasting away if we knew it all

No! We’re just tenants trashing gods land

As far back as when Adam became a man

How can we fix what we won’t admit is wrong

if we don’t fix the ozone ,we will die in space

somewhere from here to eternity we call home


I hate when life gets to me some times

Is there anything left in life to find?

Watching and wondering why day turns to night

Life is painful sometimes I wonder is it worth the fight

The agony, drained of all my will, I fight through it still

An end to all that ale’s, giving in is a boat that won’t sail

To end all of my dreams of having what everyone else has

Wasn't in the cards I see, god had other intentions for me

God help me if all the good I've done in life is not good enough

Please have compassion for me in hell, only time will tell

Life is hard choices are tough, to leave now is all because

Because suicide is for cowards, leaving when times get rough

Is no solution it’s a crime and your sentence is execution

So live through the pain like the rest No one’s perfect just do your best

The moral is live through the pain in life, so you can live another night



 You look up, and wonder is my life over or has it just begun

The clock hand changes and nothings done, the clock ticks one by one

You go to a funeral and look around you notice suddenly you’re standing alone

What did you expect, no one cares he’s gone so you’re Feeling empty inside

 Knowing you have to change the way that you live, what you’re about to do god won’t forgive

You’re going through life doing nothing sitting around watching each day turn to night

You’re not hurting anyone you’re doing no harm But! Look at yourself you can’t even think str8

Your friends watching you waste away, all alone

Standing in the corner alone, to paranoid to pick up the phone

You tell them you have the flu, not a chance

That they could imagine what you’re going through it’s a bitch knowing you’re going to die

You think about a reason to live, you couldn't find a reason why

 Your mentally ill why can’t GOD! Just let you die

Then a stranger and his boy, see’s you acting suicidal and paranoid

He’s seen it before, in his father, no one saved him no one bothered

He couldn’t save his father but he’ll save you He knows the signs of what you’re going through

He takes you to the clinic, they put you on meds you no longer hear the devil inside your head

They meet every week, to break bread, they have been so kind

A stranger and a boy has brought you to a place in your mind where you’re happy all the time

Thursday, November 13, 2014



Watching people being affectionate is how I used to be

That person I’m watching used to be me

When did I stop becoming the guy I used to be

Feeling like a hard fall, getting hit with this reality call

Is it good I’m not that guy anymore?

Everything in life happens for a reason what this was for

Watching everyone revolve around, in a world I don’t belong

Like fighting a fight you know you’re going to lose

If you when this fight will you then again become you

I’m not asking for a lot, just to be normal

Not someone who’s super special just a life that’s informal

 Everyone I touch, dies from what? Is it me or life’s just tough?
I have so many questions that only god know

This life I’m living is not the one I chose

Sometimes I’m ill some days are up others are low

Who is this guy, he is not someone I know

Sunday, November 9, 2014



All you do is lie, where have you been, who’s that guy

You must be fudging nuts, if you think you’re the one

If you think you’re someone I trust, then you are fudging nuts

I’ve been up and down for you, and look what you put me through

You’re going to have to hurt another guy, it’s time for me to fly

You pulled so much shit I don’t know where to begin

I’m addicted to you, remembering who you were back then

So I let you come back over and over again, knowing how it will end

I just can’t seem to move on, I’m just not strong enough

So babe if you really love me you’ll leave me, a decision that’s tough

You won’t! I’ve come to realize it’s not love but fear of being alone

Little by little I’m drifting away from you, knowing you’re not the own

Why are you still with me, just because! Where’s the woman I fell in love

I guess life turned her that way, cold without a soul and noting to say

Less to know, being a cold bitch has made me stronger

It’s time to go, and time for me to fly, without remorse

This is goodbye, IT’S TIME FOR ME TO FLY

 All I've done for you and got nothing in return

 you’re out of my life for good, and you’re no longer my concern

Monday, November 3, 2014


                      SOMEDAY, NOT TODAY

           I tried to tell you I love you, but you say I’m not being fair

           I call out for your sad eyes crying, but you’re no longer there

          I miss you’re soft touch, you’re sweet affection is no longer enough

 Even a stranger knows it’s over, why must you hurt this way

Where ever it went wrong I just couldn't say, for a guy who knows it has to be over

I truly understand, but why did it have to end this way, deep down somehow you care

 I no longer feel the same, for one to admit it’s over, no ones to blame

Please don’t think of me this way, just turn and say goodbye

Somehow there will be another day, maybe we’ll meet again someday, but not today

You know when it’s over, when there’s nothing left to say. It’s over don’t cry

Don’t make me say goodbye, it’s over, sad eyes, I couldn't love you but I tried

Someday you’ll be over and no longer cry, you’ll forget about me and not know why

Sometime things for you will get better, you will grow out of it like a bed wetter

I’m just a phase that you despise and someday I’ll no longer be the reason why

 It’s over ,this is goodbye, it’s over it no longer matters why, it’s over maybe next time

Sunday, November 2, 2014


                LIFE IS WHAT WE DECIDE

I fear your worst nightmare is coming alive

 These are decisions in our life we must always decide

 You see everything from where you are, how you’ve become

 Knowing who you are? Or are you just someone

 One truth becomes spoken through the words you say

 And how you speak, we speak these words everyday

 What almost happened to you are beyond any words I can ever say

It only takes just one wrong turn it’s how life dictates my deepest concerns

 Each night you lay down to sleep, the nightmares from the past are all you see

Decisions you made in the past, decides who you will become

 Peace at last, for with the findings of the inner self of one

But not for all will this path become, it’s no longer your decision what’s done is done

 Like a falling sun, once a soul has turn to falling, it must never hit the floor

 For if it does it will be your soul no more,

Saturday, November 1, 2014


It all started after graduation ceremony. I stood at the podium as my runny skate buddies were howling, sounding like a pack of wolves at midnight. We were crazy as four buddies can be the graduation was a sign that this wolf pack were foaming at the mouth like a dog with decease. We were not alone Budweiser turning to foam. A night every parents dread four crazy dudes who are on the loose. Johnny losing a four year bet that Rick (me) wouldn’t graduate, for sure this is one bet that john to this day I’m sure he regrets. Skating through Plainfield Street during rush-hour in women’s panties (ok embarrassing maybe but not the worst part of the night)
          We met at Eddies house in Rockford drinking down and getting ready for the night none of us will forget( before I get into details so things got out of hands and ended the night of the wolf. As this is a true story if anyone got hurt or was effected that night on behalf of the 4 dawgs) Time has rising to 6:45 I called up Audrey who was going steady with my best friend Eddie, Audrey agreed to meet me in the woods next to playfield rink (one of the biggest mistakes I ever made) Eddie seen us come out of the woods (I didn’t know he knew) we all met up at rink at 7. Jim the floor guard shook his head as he knew we were drunk, maybe tripping each other into the wall was a good sign. The stud of the 4 dawgs Johnny always has at least five different girls he makes out with. While our night of skating was drawing to an end Eddie sucker punched me from behind we went at it pretty good. After about fifteen minutes we called a truce and were told to leave (we were suspended from skating for 30 days, it will take that long to sober up)
            The first thing we do is head to Walgreens and buy some condoms( we got lucky we found a drunk to buy us beer and alcohol(like we needed more) so we filled all the condoms with beer (or piss I’ll never tell lol) we threw it at cars as they drove up and got out of cars at McDonalds, then a couple deputies confronted me Johnny and Eddie about the condom throwing  then from no ware Dave (the wolf man jack of the pack)hits the deputies in the face with the fluid filled condoms. We all bolted we were chased all through Plainfield trying to evade the deputies we cut through Fred’s pizza ( my vision was not as well as I thought) Fred’s boy Antonio comes out (he was a good friend of ours) signaled us to head through the back as we are back on Plainfield deputies not far behind. Then from now are the front end of my car drops to the floor and sets on fire (we all got away safe) eluding through Arbor Antics. The deputies surround Arbor Antics thinking that they have caught us (but we have slipped out back into the woods)
         Eddie found a broken hole in the fence at the Plainfield drive in (still Eddie wouldn’t talk to me, and to this day he has yet to speak with me, even though him and Audrey are married with children) OMG!!!! One of Dave’s cousins who goes to northview too was there with Michelle Kelley from Rockford (Michelle was working to become a model back then that never happened) There a graduation kegger party up in Rockford at midnight. So we rode with Ethan Dave’s cousin, this is where we got our second wind and party again till the end. Then I glanced over there she was Ann I have spent the last four years trying to avoid her( I couldn’t blow her off cause I wanted to get together with her friend Lynn, Ann was not appealing but she hung out with all the really hot women) I guess that’s why she always gets invited to the parties.
          The clock has struck 4 am with my car broken down again we were stranded. Thanks to the art of Johnny stud he got us a ride to start our own party at the Presidents inn on Plainfield as we are heading to hotel everyone pared up (Eddie being mad he pared me with a girl well I have no proof it was a woman and I did not want to know) So I acted as though I was passed out (which I have used this method many times before for women who are even a 2 at 2, no alcohol is enough to make her hot, like coyote ugly where you shoot yourself so you don’t have to wake up to her in morning) where did it go wrong she didn’t back off from me being passed out, she didn’t care she was making out with my nearly dead body, until she grabbed my junk yes I’m sorry (Eddie I made a mistake cheating with your girl, but I could rape your sister and still wouldn’t deserve this) We arrived at the hotel and thing get way out of hand (Johnny what were you thinking there prostitutes and we’re broke) they call their pimp and we scuffle they are chasing us down the hallways with guns (I thought my life was over that night, and we said things to each other we didn’t mean (after that night the 4 dawgs never talked again) after Deputies sorted out the confusing we were arrested for fleeing the scenes destruction ( Fred’s pizza will never look the same again tearing down their stairs ) The greatest and yet worst night of my life I almost died several times. Now 33 years later and Plainfield skating center is gone and sometimes I go to goodwill and hang out in the corner and pretend the four dawgs are high fiving each other telling stories and laughing at one another.
                            A true story of my Graduation night (it happened to be one month after my best friend accidentally drowned and I believe it had an impact on how that night panned out)

                       By Rick McDonnell